I love when you all write to me.
Sometimes it’s a quick thought, sometimes it’s something deeper that’s been sitting with you for a while, and sometimes it turns into a full conversation you didn’t expect to have.
This week, Brianna from Seattle sent me this:
Q. Dear Corey, I listened to your podcast episode about relationships and clarity, and it sparked a conversation between my husband and me.
I’ve always known we’re opposites… but as we get older, I feel like we don’t have anything in common anymore.
We have totally different senses of humor. I’m more laid back and go with the flow, and he’s very rigid, numbers, facts, structure.
We’ve made it work for 32 years, but I can’t help but wonder… should we have ever been together?
It feels like we have nothing in common.—Brianna
A. First, I want to say this gently.
Thirty-two years is not nothing.
That doesn’t happen by accident.
I think when people say “opposites attract,” what they’re really describing is polarity, not incompatibility.
In the beginning, those differences can feel exciting.
You balance each other.
You bring something new into each other’s world.
But over time, those same differences can start to feel like distance if they’re not understood.
Here’s the part I want you to really sit with.
Having things in common is great, but it’s not the foundation.
Respect is.
Emotional safety is.
The ability to stay curious about each other is.
Because the truth is, a lot of couples who look “perfect on paper” still struggle.
And a lot of couples who are completely different somehow build something solid because they learn how to meet in the middle.
It sounds like what you’re feeling isn’t just about differences.
It’s about disconnection.
And those are not the same thing.
There’s a version of this where nothing is “wrong,” but the relationship hasn’t been nurtured in the same way over time.
Life happens.
People evolve.
Routines take over.
And suddenly you look at each other like… when did we stop meeting here?
If you go back and read my post on recognizing emotional distance in relationships, you might see yourself in parts of it. That quiet drift doesn’t always look dramatic, but it’s real.
And if you’ve ever felt like you’ve been overextending just to keep things smooth, my post on social obligation and overextending yourself touches on that too.
So instead of asking, should we have ever been together, I’d shift the question slightly.
Is there still something here worth reconnecting to?
Because sometimes it’s not about having everything in common.
It’s about deciding, again, how you want to show up for each other now.
Q. “Hi Corey, I loved your post about overextending yourself socially. I’ve realized I say yes to almost everything because I don’t want to disappoint people. How do I stop without feeling guilty?”— Maya
A. Maya, this is such a real one.
And if you haven’t already, go sit with that post again, because the root of it isn’t actually about your schedule.
It’s about your relationship with discomfort.
A lot of us were taught that being available equals being good.
So when you start pulling back, even in healthy ways, it can feel like you’re doing something wrong.
You’re not.
You’re just doing something new.
Start small.
Not every yes needs to become a no overnight.
But maybe pause before you respond.
Give yourself a moment to check in.
“Do I actually want to do this?”
That one question will change a lot.
Q. Corey, your post about feeling stuck really hit me. I have so much I want to do, but I feel frozen. How do you move forward when you don’t feel motivated?”—Jordan.
A. Jordan, I get this more than you probably think.
And if you go back to that post, you’ll remember, I wasn’t talking about motivation like it’s something you wait for.
Sometimes you don’t need motivation.
You need movement.
Even the smallest step.
Making the list.
Clearing the space.
Starting before you feel ready.
Because momentum creates energy.
Not the other way around.
Before You Go…
I really love these conversations.
They feel honest, and they remind me that so many of us are navigating the same things, just in different ways.
If you have a question, something you’ve been thinking about, or even something you’re unsure how to put into words… send it.
I’ll always do my best to answer in a way that feels real and useful.
P.S…Here are some more fun and informative articles on relationships. Please some love to David Underland for the amazing photo provided for this post.
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