I’ve been sitting with a question that sounds simple, but really isn’t:
Is it ever okay to lie?
Not the big, obvious lies. The smaller ones. The ones that show up in everyday life.
There’s that classic moment from Seinfeld where Jerry and Elaine are looking at a baby that… isn’t cute. And still, they smile and say it is. Not to deceive, but to be kind. To keep the moment intact.
And most of us understand that instinct immediately.
And honestly, this whole conversation keeps bringing me back to the film Liar Liar with Jim Carrey.
It’s exaggerated, chaotic, and completely ridiculous… but also uncomfortably real.
Watching him be forced to tell the truth in every single situation shows you just how much of our daily interactions rely on softening things, filtering, or yes, even small lies. Without that filter, everything becomes harsh, awkward, and sometimes unnecessarily hurtful.
There’s a moment where you realize, absolute honesty isn’t always kindness. And that’s the part that sticks.
Because while the movie plays it for laughs, it quietly points out something we all live with, the balance between being truthful and being considerate.
But then there are more complicated situations.
Like someone with dementia asking about a loved one who’s passed.
Do you tell them the truth, knowing it will hurt them again, like it’s happening for the first time?
Or do you soften reality to protect them from that pain?
I came across this idea while listening to Hidden Brain, hosted by Shankar Vedantam, where researchers talk about something called prosocial lying, the kind that’s meant to protect, not manipulate.
And it made me pause.
Because we like to think of honesty as the highest value. But in real life, it’s not always that clean. Sometimes honesty and kindness don’t line up perfectly.
Which brings me to something that, on the surface, feels completely different… but isn’t.
People who flake.
There’s a certain kind of frustration that doesn’t look dramatic, but lingers longer than it should. It’s the feeling you get when someone cancels plans… again. Or worse, says nothing at all.
At first, you brush it off. Life happens. People get busy.
But when it becomes a pattern, it starts to feel less like bad timing and more like a quiet kind of disrespect. Not always intentional, but still real.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to handle that well, not emotionally, but maturely.
Because being an adult doesn’t mean pretending things don’t bother you. It means recognizing when something does, and choosing how to respond without abandoning yourself in the process.
Sometimes the answer isn’t confrontation. It’s adjustment.
You stop overcommitting. You stop rearranging your life. You pay attention to what people do, not just what they say.
And in a strange way, that shift says everything without you needing to say much at all.
Maybe that’s what ties both of these ideas together.
Whether it’s honesty or boundaries, it all comes back to awareness.
Knowing when to hold your ground.
Knowing when to adjust.
And knowing when to lead with truth… or with care.
There’s no perfect formula for any of it.
But paying attention, to patterns, to intention, to impact, that’s where clarity starts.
And most of the time, that’s enough.
(Photos from Liar, Liar of course:) and title image by Annie Spratt on Unsplash.)
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