A few months ago, I received a thoughtful message from a listener named Janine Thompson in Richmond, Virginia. She shared a story that I think many of us have experienced in one form or another.
Janine had a close friend who became deeply involved in local politics. At first, she was proud of her friend’s passion and wanted to support everything they were doing. But over time, something changed. Plans were constantly canceled. Text messages went unanswered. Phone calls were ignored. Weeks would pass without a word, only for her friend to reappear as if nothing had happened. The friendship slowly began to unravel, and Janine wanted to know what I thought.
I can only speak from my own experiences, but I’ve learned something that has proven true more often than not.
You can tell a great deal about what you mean to someone by the amount of time they choose to spend with you.
I know people are busy. We all have jobs, families, responsibilities, and seasons where life feels overwhelming. I’m not suggesting that everyone should be available twenty-four hours a day.
But I do believe this.
Even the busiest person has five minutes.
Five minutes to send a text saying, “I’m thinking about you.”
Five minutes to return a missed call.
Five minutes to check in.
People often tell us they’re too busy, but what they’re really communicating is where we fall on their list of priorities.
I recently heard former President Barack Obama talk about how he intentionally protected time for his family, even while serving as President of the United States. If someone responsible for leading the country understood the importance of making time for the people he loved, it reminds me that being busy isn’t always the whole story.
People make time for what matters to them.
That isn’t meant to make anyone feel guilty. It’s simply something I’ve observed over the years.
I’ve experienced this personally.
When I started my podcast, I was excited to share something I had poured my heart into. I had a friend who repeatedly told me they were going to listen. Every time we talked, there was another promise.
“I’ll catch up next week.”
“I’ve been meaning to listen.”
“I’ll get to it.”
Weeks became months, and months became years. Not one episode.
At some point, you stop hearing the words and start paying attention to the pattern.
I’m a pretty independent person. I don’t need constant attention or validation from anyone. People are free to come and go from my life. But friendship carries certain expectations. When someone calls themselves a close friend, I expect more than a collection of excuses.
I expect effort.
Friendship isn’t measured by grand gestures. It’s measured in consistency.
It’s remembering to check in.
It’s showing up.
It’s celebrating someone’s victories.
It’s being present, even if only for a few minutes.
When those things disappear, it’s worth asking whether you’re holding onto a friendship that only exists in your memory.
To Janine, my advice is simple.
Don’t ignore what someone consistently shows you.
Pay attention to what they’re actually providing, not what they’re promising.
If someone repeatedly demonstrates that they don’t have room for you in their life, believe them. That doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. They may simply be consumed by work, politics, ambition, or whatever season they’re in. But understanding why they’re unavailable doesn’t erase the impact it has on you.
Sometimes protecting your peace means stepping back.
Sometimes it means lowering your expectations.
Sometimes it means finding people who naturally show up the way you show up for them.
That’s not bitterness.
That’s self-respect.
Life has a way of revealing where we stand in other people’s lives. The difficult part isn’t seeing it. The difficult part is accepting it.
And once you do, you can stop chasing people who are always too busy and start investing in the ones who never make you wonder where you belong.
Photo provided by Sasha Freemind.
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